Thursday, March 15, 2012

A View from the Chemo Room

I felt like a fly on a wall. I was an observer. I watched as all of these adults of all ages sat quietly and patiently as the medicine dripped from its pouch into their veins. I sat next to my sweet mother who is going through chemotherapy for the second time in ten years.

As an observer, I experienced many different emotions and asked God many questions. I didn't watch television. I didn't read magazines. I didn't even blog or tweet or Facebook. I just watched. And listened. And prayed. 

As I did this, I noticed three major things:

1. All these people experiencing treatment are fighting for more life hours. In a room where life and death constantly battle, life is raising her sword and plunging forward. Life doesn't always win, but she fights hard. I pray for eternal life for all of these people because I know that is the only way life really wins. 

2. There is a kindred spirit in this room. They may all suffer from various types of cancer, but they are all suffering. They smile at each other, share stories of their struggles and their victories, and promise to pray for each other. They understand things that we observers don't. They speak a different language...a dialect of empathy. And though people struggle with various fatal health issues, this is the only issue I know of where people sit in a room and fight together.  There is a quiet sense of camaraderie. I long for their silent strength.

3. All of these precious people receiving chemotherapy have slowed, even halted their schedules. It is amazing how the busyness and business of life is forced to step aside. As I think about this, I wonder if this is one of the way God works good out of this trial. The rat race stops. The pulse slows. The unforced rhythm of grace overrides. I love that I get to spend hours on hours with my mom. We talk in between her drifting in and out of sleep. I caress her hand, her arm, her face. Yes, this is precious time. Time that might not have happened without this unrelenting disease called cancer.

Don't get me wrong. I sure wouldn't have asked for it. But I am trying to live for ONE...the One who created me, called me, and comforts me. I believe that living for One means following Christ with all that I am and desiring to see His purpose and His plan. What are you teaching me now, God? 

I am learning that life is precious. Live radically for a radical God.

I am learning that fellow warriors abound. No matter what we are going through...there is a sister or brother to share our burden. 

I am learning that God is a good God and He will bring good in every situation. His good right now in this circumstance? Slowing down. Resting. Enjoying His presence. Seeing Him at work.

You, friend, are such a blessing to me. I never thought in a million years that I would ever write anything that anyone would ever read. Though some of you I know in real life and some of you only virtually, you are a community of friends, of family, of faith. 

I would love to pray for you. Would you share your struggle with me today? Or maybe something God is teaching you through a situation you are experiencing? Comment below or if you are reading this via email, you can click here to comment.

Living for ONE,



Amy Dickson Ward said...


Your words and observations are perfect for all those who sit in that room either receiving treatment or watching a loved one receive it.

It's a healing place for me in many ways.

Know you are loved!

Ashley said...

Kelli, I love this post!

Reminds me of a Peter Marshall quote I've had floating around in my mind the last few weeks as I continue testing to seek answers for some of my medical issues.

"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty."

It's all for His glory and our joy!

Will be praying for y'all during this trial.

Jeff Finley said...

My prayers are with you and your mom. Thank you for this meaningful reflection that will be an encouragement to others in similar situations.

Kelli Williams Wommack said...

Thank you for your kind words, Amy, Ashley and Jeff. God will bring good because He is a good God!

Jenn said...

Kelli i am always so blessed reading what you write. Thank you for this beautiful perspective in the midst of the not so beautiful aspect of cancer. Please know I am praying for you and your mom as you walk this journey!

Jennifer said...

Kelli, I totally agree with you. When we were sitting in the room at Hospice, watching Poppy's life slip away from him, it was such a bitter sweet time. While it was devestating to watch him go through that, I saw God in so many tiny, precious ways, that I couldn't list them all if I HAD to! He is truly a GOOD GOD, and you're right, He loves us so much.

Shanda said...

I'm so sorry your mother has to go through this. I'm sending prayers up for you both,